I’m guilty and it’s time for me to come clean. I’m prejudiced. Not only that, I ‘profile’ people based not only on their skin color, but on their economic status, educational level and gender orientation. Sometimes I even let their political affiliations affect the way I think of them. And Muslims? You got it...I just plop them all in a box and label them.

I also draw hasty conclusions without taking into account the feelings of those I judge. I am insensitive and at times I can be downright non-inclusive.

Just the other day, I profiled a whole crowd of people. I looked at all those idiots, oops, anti-war protesters and immediately assumed they were majority secular progressive. I assumed, without any facts to back me up, that most of the younger protesters were probably college students who didn’t have to work to put themselves through college. I also assumed that the ‘adults’ in the crowd were either government employees, union members, former pot smoking 60’s Vietnam protesters or members of a high sounding group that gets grants from the federal government. Or feminists.

Wait...there’s more. I’m homophobic, too. I’m guilty of profiling gay people. I automatically assume they base their whole identity on their sex life. I futher assume that if I don’t immediately and enthusiastically endorse their lifestyle, I could very well be accused of discrimination.

I just can’t help myself. No matter how our government tries to legislate morality, I still involuntarily flinch every time I see Barney Frank’s mouth. Or see Ellen Degeneres publicly swapping spit with her wife, (husband?) on the White House lawn. I am so baad… [For media requests, I can be reached @ 1-800-ImSorry]

And black people. I make sweeping generalizations about the whole race. I blithely assume that a 70% illigitimacy rate indicates a certain lack of responsibility. I’m also pretty sure most ‘black outrage’ is opportunism and I think, dare I say it, that many African-Americans are the cause of their own problems. Oh, and I really don’t like the term African-American. If I went around calling myself White-American I’m pretty sure I’d be profiled as a white supremacist.

Whenever I see a group of black teenagers with their butt cracks showing, baseball caps on sideways, and several ounces of gold hanging around their neck, I profile them. I can’t help it. It’s not my fault.

One thing that can be said in my defense. I profile white people too. Last week, I profiled a whole college class. Not knowing any better, I assumed most of the females in a ‘Woman’s Studies’ class were Democrats, tree huggers and enamored of third world dictators. And I’m pretty sure they base all their opinions on feelings instead of facts.

That’s not all. As a group, they probably pose a statistically higher chance of suing someone than, say, a housewife who stays home and tends her kids. Crazy, huh?

On Fox News the other night, former Clinton advisor d*** Morris said we all had to cleanse our hearts and our sub-conscious attitudes. I’ve decided to take his advise. To show how truly sorry I am for holding impure thoughts, I’ve decided to enter rehab.

I know, I know, it’s the brave, courgeous thing to do. (Thank-you, thank-you) But I’m really going to try to re-invent myself. (With any luck, I might run into Gavin Newsom or that cute actor on Grey’s Anatomy, too.)

The good news is, the government offers a program designed for my specific malady. I only have to pay a $50.00 surcharge and they will let me enter this cool rehab down in Florida. I’m going over the brochure right now. I can’t decide which ‘treatment’ program I’ll enroll in. It’s a toss-up between ‘Embrace Your Victimhood’ or ‘It’s Not Your Fault.’ Choices, choices.

And I know that wasn’t a pig that I just saw flying by my window. I know now that, whatever it was, it was caused by either Bush or global warming. See, you can re-invent yourself if you really try.

Nancy Morgan
http://rightbias.com/

http://rightbias.com/Blogs/020907Profi.aspx